I’ve got a theory that all the country’s problems have been caused by one thing. The lack of dining rooms in modern houses. You see, I’m looking to buy a house fairly soon. I want to be able to have friends come round for dinner parties, drink wine and enter into meaningful discussions. And when I have kids, I want us to all sit round the dining room table as a family. But it would appear that in many modern dwellings, this is simply an impossibility. Dining kitchen? No, that’s just a kitchen with a table crammed in the corner. That’s no good for a dinner party because everyone will notice when I drop something on the floor and dust it off before serving it up. I will not be able to microwave something and then pass it off as homecooked. Also, it means that children are growing up sat in front of the TV (don’t get me started on THAT!) and their brains are going all mushy.

New motto: “Say yes to dining rooms!”